Who gets to choose and who doesn't?

 A recent conversation with a friend made me realize how much one's upbringing and identity influence one's perspective on career choices. While many different factors affect people's desire to pursue a certain career path, what stuck out to me from talking to people in my life is that the socioeconomic class of one's parents or guardians and their cultural identities seem to be the most prevalent factors, with first-generation students being at the intersection of these two factors.

People with elite backgrounds are increasingly dominating academia because this field and similar jobs where the rewards are generally non-monetary, typically attract a demographic of people who do not have cash concerns. Multiple studies confirmed this finding as children from high-income households find jobs with non-monetary benefits more attractive than those with less wealthy backgrounds do. This is why people with less privileged backgrounds will pass up opportunities, like in academia, for better-paid work in finance or law.

My friend and I are great examples of this phenomenon. My friend wants to pursue a PhD, and I have chosen to pursue a career in law. When our college professor encouraged us both to pursue PhDs, my friend was much more open to the idea than I was. While I entertained the prospect for a bit, after comparing the journey to obtain a PhD versus a JD and the average salaries in careers with the two different degrees, I decided to stick with my original plan of becoming a lawyer.

While I want to become a lawyer for many reasons, I'd be lying if I said that job prospects and salaries didn't play a major role in my career choice. After all, the legal profession is one of the most stress-inducing professions. Yet, my parents' socioeconomic status and cultural background greatly influenced my decision.

Hearing about my mother's financial hardships motivated me to find a financially lucrative career to ensure she and my family would never have to worry about money again and that they would be well taken care of. Additionally, witnessing people make fun of or take advantage of my grandparents' and parents' poor English drove me to a career that is well-respected and thus, socially powerful, so I can protect them. This is especially important to me because in Chinese culture, family is always supposed to look after one another regardless of age. I am one of many whose family circumstances greatly shape their children's lives and career choices. 

On the other end of the spectrum is my friend. She doesn't have to worry about her financial security because her parents are both well-off, and she can lean on them if she needs to, so she has the opportunity to study what her heart desires. She can, in her words, "take her time, enjoying life being lost to figure out what she wants." My friend could choose what she studied and the career path she desired based on intellectual fulfillment without focusing on the financial gain of her education and choices due to her socioeconomic background and her lack of familial obligations since the culture she was brought up in valued individualism and independence over everything else. Of course, this is in no way trying to understate other struggles my friend may have but is a mere acknowledgment of how one's circumstances greatly impact one's career pursuits. 

I was curious to see if this is also true in other countries and societies. A couple of studies done in Bangladesh also echoed the same findings, which state that many children's career choices are based on their parents' occupations. Even more, these studies also noted age, religion, location of residence, and parent's education (not just current occupation) have positive impacts on students' career choices too.

While socioeconomic status and cultural identities seemed to be the most prevalent factors that I've seen around me affecting people's professional pursuits, I wanted to note how these factors are rarely mutually exclusive. Oftentimes, at the intersection of lower socioeconomic status and certain cultural identities are first-gen students. This is true for a multitude of reasons.

Historically and presently, minorities and those of the lower socioeconomic classes have a harder time attaining higher education due to discrimination. As such, the first-generation population tends to be individuals from these communities who are disadvantaged due to their limited professional networks. Consequently, securing job opportunities and mentors is more challenging. The less exposure one has to various professions, the more limited one's understanding of available career options.

This limited exposure and view is instead filled by the perception of success (like becoming a doctor, lawyer, or engineer) of one's family. In my opinion, many people's perceptions of successful careers tend to be strongly correlated with their salaries.

So do we actually "choose" our careers? Or are our careers chosen for us?

Cold calling and confidence: learning what battles to fight in law school

 "Speak softly and carry a big stick"

I was recently watching a home movie recorded by my mom of my first grade class's show-and tell. It was my turn to get up in front of the class to share what I brought (a plush figure of Hello Kitty's friend "Pandapple" for anyone wondering) and why. As I began to share, the audio of me speaking wasn't picked up. Instead, my mother's video camera captured the voice of another parent remarking "I can't hear her" and my mother quipping back assertively saying that she could.

I'm probably not the typical person most people think would go to law school. I've been called "quiet" for as long as I can remember, constantly being told to "speak up" throughout my formative years. The culture accompanying  higher education and law school rewards those who confidently raise their hands with questions and follow-up hypotheticals. The boisterous are well-represented in this profession that rewards those who have no problem commanding the attention of a room.

Although this correlation of personality and profession might seem intuitive to some, this was not a connection I had made prior to my arrival at King Hall. As a first generation law student, my conception of lawyers was limited to the media I consumed. Truthfully, I had no inkling that the idea of "cold calling" would be something I would actually have to live through.

I got lucky my first semester. My professors were abnormally kind and gentle with us baby 1Ls. We were able to "pass" on a cold call without negative repercussions and incorrect answers were brushed over, delicately corrected so that peers could not decipher just how far off you really were. I distinctly remember one of my professors told the class that although he was planning on cold calling, we could email him and remove ourselves from the list completely. I resisted the urge (which was blaring almost to the level of a survival instinct) to do so. When my time came, I was terrified but prepared.

Second semester, professors began to expect more from us. The combined weight of professors' academic expectations and the need to prove myself to my peers was crushing. I attempted to placate my anxiety by preparing for any question that could come my way, spending hours preparing for any class session in which I could potentially be called on.

When finals came around, I realized just how much this cold call preparation had been an inefficient use of time. I had nothing to show for the countless hours I spent preparing for questions that never came. Rather than spending the semester to understand legal reasoning or improve my legal writing, I had spent it learning unimportant dicta as a means to combat my anxiety.

This was a mistake I had to make on my own because I had nobody to warn me. The term "First and Only," coined by Alejandra Campoverdi's memoir, highlights how isolating the journey to higher education can be for first generation students. As the First and Only in my family, I expect to make keep making mistakes that non First and Onlys don't have to. Instead of having a lit cobblestone path to follow, it feels like I'm trudging through the woods, fighting beasts of my own along the way. 

As other students have touched on in their blog posts, being the First and Only is often accompanied by many battles, including feelings of inadequacy and imposter syndrome. How we deal with these feelings can be make-it-or-break-it. This is all the more ironic when you consider the unique challenges first generation students face in addition to the actual material they must learn. Despite displaying higher levels of resilience, this study found that first generation students have demonstrated lower levels of emotional intelligence than their non-first generation counterparts. 

Going into 2L I knew changes had to be made. Rather than neurotically worrying about knowing all of the answers to a potential cold call ahead of time, I needed to focus on my understanding of the material. With that understanding, the answers would either come or they wouldn't, but I'd be fine either way. I had to learn how to trust myself and let go of the fear of being judged- after all I wasn't internalizing anyone else's performance. 

I am still the same person I was doing show-and-tell in the first grade. I tend to speak softly and I prefer not to speak in front of a crowd (I plan on staying far, far from a courtroom). In addition to the substantive material I've learned from law school, I have also learned a lot about myself and the ways I can become a better "me" than I was yesterday. I know there are more beasts in the woods for me to fight as I pave this path forward, but I'm no longer afraid of them.