Reputation, relationships, and law school

One part of law school that has been more complicated to navigate than I expected is the social aspect of it.

I am no stranger to small class sizes or being around the same people everyday, as this was how my entire educational experience from K-12th grade was. However, there is one key difference here: this is professional school. I am surrounded by people who I may have to work with or around for the rest of my legal career.

I am someone who likes to keep a very clear boundary between my work life and my personal life. There are aspects of my life that I firmly believe are not for my colleagues or bosses to know. I have seen the drama that can ensue when boundaries between work and play are crossed, and I have absolutely no interest in being involved with any of it.

This also applies to law school.

At this school, I have a reputation for staying out of the loop. I avoid bar reviews, parties, and most large get-togethers that consist mostly of law students. I am also very private regarding my opinions on other students and with details regarding my personal life in general.

Many people have interpreted my behavior as being rooted in some sort of dislike or hate for other Davis law students.

This could not be further from the truth. I have actually met some really cool people here. Rather, it is me trying to maintain this balance that I have described. I have seen the amount of drama that arises for students who are heavily socially involved and this is just something that I want no parts of. Law school is difficult enough without the social drama.

Drawing these lines is always much easier to do in theory than in reality. Building relationships with people is very important for success and advancement within careers. Additionally, we cannot help who we naturally click with, especially when we are in this close of proximity to each other.

It is almost inevitable that you form at least some relationships with the people that you go to school with and work with.

There have been times that people make comments that upset me or make me uncomfortable. When this occurs, I am extremely careful in how I react. Generally speaking, I am very outspoken and have no problems standing up for myself. However, when surrounded by future colleagues, I cannot always react the way that I would outside of this space.

I have to be very wary of the “angry Black woman” stereotype. This is particularly true when an individual who says something that upsets me is white. If I raise my voice, or show too much emotion, there is a higher likelihood of me being perceived as “aggressive” or “scary” even if I did not instigate the situation.

If the person I have conflict with is someone who I end up working with in the future, my reputation could be damaged before I even get there. I could be perceived as “angry” or “difficult” before getting the opportunity to interact with anyone.

Beyond anger, people who like to gossip could share personal aspects of my life with potential employers and future colleagues. This could also give potential employers and co-workers the opportunity to view me in an unprofessional light or have perceptions of me based on situations that have nothing to do with my job performance.

Therefore, it is much easier for me to just avoid certain social spaces altogether.

Race matters in regard to perception of emotions and interactions, and I have experienced many micro-aggressions throughout my life that have confirmed this. The rules are not the same for everyone, and

I do not receive the same grace in expressing my frustrations or anger as many of my peers. I have worked too hard to allow any drama to taint the professional reputation that I am building for myself, and distancing myself socially has been the best way for me to do this.

I am a very big believer in the importance of community, which is why I make pouring into my friendships a very large priority in my life. My friendships are everything to me because they are the spaces where I feel the most myself.

Among my friends outside of school, I do not have to police my interactions. I do not have to worry about the whole school finding out about my personal life. I do not have to worry about how my career may be impacted by how they perceive my emotions. I do not have to perform. I can just be me. This is simply not my reality in law school, and that is okay.

This is not to say that I feel as though the friends I have made here would ever do anything to harm my career or share my personal business with future employers/colleagues. However, the presence of that risk –no matter how low–is ultimately what makes me operate with more caution within my relationships here.

I am excited to see all the new connections that this profession will bring me in the future. I also look forward to finally figuring out how to navigate this balance between my professional life and social life.