"Out with the old and in with the new"

“Its out with the old and in with the new,
Goodbye clouds of gray, hello skies of blue”

These lyrics might sound similar to you. They are from Sharpay Evans song “Fabulous” in High School Musical 2. Arguably one of the most impactful movie series for a little girl growing up in California in the 2000s.

As a little girl who had just moved to the US with her family in 2004 I had no idea what “American culture” entailed. Being raised by parents who spoke no English, my sisters and I used movies we rented from the local library to understand what we thought our lives “should” look like. 

12 years later I went off to college at a big beach town school, where I thought I would finally experience what Sharpay was talking about in her song. However, this is where I first faced the reality of class and elitism and the "step ahead" it can provide you. Of course growing up I was aware of class distinctions, but I grew up in a predominantly brown community with most of my peers belonging to the lower middle class like me. That was not the case at my undergrad. I was constantly thrown off by what I believed to be “normal” versus what my peers found “normal” in terms of lifestyles.

The difference between my peers who were upper class and I didn’t just stop at the lifestyles. There would be times in the classroom it felt as if my professors and classmates were speaking a secret language that I hadn’t learned yet. Not just my peers but my professors came from elite backgrounds. This secret language between my professors and peers was indicative of the “hidden curriculum” that many first gen students are unaware of.

While I was feeling constant imposter syndrome in an elite environment I wasn’t sure I belonged in, I was reminded of one of the main reasons I wanted to pursue higher education. A better financial life for my family and I. Going to college is the best thing to do if you want to move up the financial ladder. This is what I had been told by teachers since middle school. I believed that I only had to work a little harder, struggle a little more, and I would be able to join my peers in this elite world.

However, as Alejandra Campoverdi discusses in First Gen: A Memoir, climbing the social and financial ladder alone can be isolating. Campoverdi describes someone who is first generation or the only person in their family, community, or social demographic to cross a threshold as a “First and Only.” First and Onlys can end up facing dual rejection as they cross these unfamiliar thresholds. Rejection from our friends and family with a “You’ve changed” quip and rejection from our new environment because we feel like outsiders.

Reading Campoverdi’s experience as a First and Only felt far too much like my own. While I was climbing this economic ladder and going from undergrad to law school, I became aware of the feeling of being First and Only in both my old life and new. As a First and Only I'm not just uncommon in law school where I'm not being passed down this career like many of my peers, but am also uncommon in my community and family as the only person who is crossing this elite higher education threshold. As I move further along in my educational and professional journey, I notice how “far away” I am feeling from my family and old friends. This is a common experience for first gen students as they accumulate degrees.

As I was debating what to write for this blog post, I was listening to “Fabulous” in the car. The lyrics “Out with the old and in with the new” made me think how much I am losing in order to obtain the new. I want to have new experiences, live different lifestyles, and climb the economic ladder, but I don’t want all of that to come at the expense of my old life. I don’t want social and economic mobility to take an emotional toll on me like it can for many First and Onlys. I think as First and Onlys the only way to avoid this toll is to take stock of what’s important to us and take care of our mental health as we navigate foreign environments and make our marks.