Who do you want to be?

I remember the day that I decided that I wanted to be a lawyer. I selected the law and society “major” in high school and sat in our mock courtroom hearing about the various types of law one could practice.

What I do not remember, however, was thinking about what kind of lawyer I want to be. What I mean by this is not the type of law I want to practice, but how I want to conduct myself during practice, and whether and how my life experiences will influence me. As I will soon approach the half-way mark in law school, I figured that now would be an appropriate time to give this topic some attention.

Growing up, I watched countless television shows and movies featuring lawyers depicted as intelligent, well-groomed white males in suits. I knew that I would never be able to become a white male, and it seems silly as I think about it now, but I believed that it was necessary to act like one to “fit-in” with the legal profession.

Immediately upon graduating college, I took a position as a paralegal at a large, well-known law firm in New York. I don’t have an exact number, but if I had to estimate, I would say that over 70% of the attorneys I directly worked with were white males. I quickly adopted their practices and style at the office. I began wearing a suit every day, even on casual Fridays. I paid to have my shoes shined every week by the contracted cobblers that did rounds on Thursday. And perhaps most importantly, I found myself switching to an entire new set of vocabulary when I went to grab dinner with friends or family, a process I now know to be code switching. If the previous article is too lengthy, I have attached a shorter one here.

In retrospect, I do not believe that it was necessary for me to do all these things to retain my job at the firm. Nor would it have affected the relationships I made during this time had I not done so. However, like many of the first-generation students surveyed in the identity work study, I believed that these behaviors were necessary for me to survive in the moment.

Thinking now about my own identity, the concept of professional identity formation, a study of the processes by which a physician’s stereotypical professional identity became integrated one’s personal identity intrigued me. Although we are not physicians, the legal profession also embraces “theoretical” standards of what a lawyer should look like. Like many of the medical students surveyed, I have found my personal identities challenged by professionalism norms I have seen in the legal industry.

I do not default to the “proper” English phrases in daily conversation. I do not dress like most of the corporate legal profession. And I am not white. While I have not entered the work force full time yet, I have come to terms with this being who I am. I am proud of the experiences that I have had over the course of my life, and I believe we all should bring to—and keep—a piece of ourselves in whatever profession we chose to pursue. I am not the same person I was three years ago when I worked at that big NYC law firm. I am no longer content to keep my identity and culture hidden from others when I become a practicing attorney, no matter what consequences follow.

I understand that not everyone reading this post intends to practice law or medicine. However, no matter what profession you, the reader, ultimately pursue, I encourage you to take some time to think about what kind of professional in that field you want to be. I encourage you not to be discouraged if you find that you don’t look like the “standard” of that industry or profession.