Yes, you do belong

An article by Linda Sugin, a professor at Fordham Law School, describes a mental health crisis affecting law students. She explains how a recent survey revealed that 75% of law students reported increased anxiety because of law school and more than 50% reported feeling depressed. The numbers were worse for women, nonbinary, and students of color.

As a woman of color and a first-generation law student, I felt anxiety creeping more and more into my everyday life during my first year of law school. It is hard to pinpoint one source of it all, but one common question I remember asking myself throughout my first year of law school was, “Do I even belong here?”

I did not realize it then, but this was just the beginning of my journey with imposter syndrome.

The phrase “imposter phenomenon” (commonly known as imposter syndrome) was coined by psychologists Dr. Pauline Clance and Dr. Suzanne Imes in 1978 when they published their article, “The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention.” The article explains how the two psychologists spent five years talking to high-achieving women from various fields, including nursing and law. In the end, the article detailed how high-achieving women were more likely to experience self-doubt and fear that someone would discover they were “intellectual imposters.”

I did not know what imposter syndrome was – had experienced no hint of it – until I was a law student and began experiencing overwhelming feelings of doubt.

I was the first person in my family to graduate from an American high school and the first person to graduate from college. I remember feeling truly accomplished when I showed off my bachelor’s degree to my parents and grandparents at my college graduation party. There was no doubt in my mind that I belonged in college, given the fact that I received academic awards and graduated in three years.

After college, when I showed up at law school, I also had no sense of not belonging there. However, after my first week of law school, feelings of uncertainty washed over me. All of the other students were much older than me and more established. Some had different careers and even held PhDs, while others had built-in connections with law firms.

As one of the youngest law students and one with no connection to the legal profession, I felt I somehow slipped through the system since there was no way my achievements could mirror even a fraction of my peers’ successes. As I tried to blend in, I felt somehow my peers could “see through me,” and they could tell that I did not belong.

About a month after law school, I remember blurting out to my parents over dinner, “I don’t think I belong at law school.” My parents looked so confused as I tried to explain other students’ successes and how I compared to them.

As my parents hugged me tightly, they reminded me how I accomplished so much and that law schools did not make mistakes in their admissions process. “You belong there,” my mom said. Even though it did not feel like it, I tried to find some comfort in those words.

Imposter syndrome does not go away overnight. The feelings may simmer, but they are still there. When an individual faces a new situation, the destructive cycle of self-doubt may likely resurface.

Haley Kick, an associate attorney at Brennan, Manna, and Diamond, writes about the imposter syndrome and the first-generation experience in her article, “The Imposter in the Room: A First-Generation Lawyer’s Tips To Remember You Are Enough.” Kick explains how the frenzy of self-doubt started when she began college as a first-generation college student. Now, as a third-year attorney, she shared how she still experienced self-doubt, such as questioning whether she deserved to lead an arbitration hearing.

As I enter into my second year of law school, I still have a hard time adjusting to my self-doubt in law school. However, I have learned a few techniques to cope with my imposter syndrome.

First, I have learned to channel my imposter syndrome. Usually, if you are experiencing imposter syndrome, it means you care. So, I channel my feelings of uncertainty to learn and grow from my environment. This pushes me to focus on what I can control and let go of what I cannot.

Second, I make efforts to celebrate any positive outcomes. In her article, Kick shares that she keeps a “win folder” that documents positive outcomes. It serves as a reminder of how much she has achieved.

Although imposter syndrome will not disappear overnight, it is important to find ways to cope and grow from it. So, the next time I look in the mirror and question whether I belong. I simply say, “Yes, I do belong.”